While this journey to becoming a better me has mostly been about weight loss and getting healthier there have been other improvements along the way. Areas of myself that maybe I didn't even know I was lacking in or never even thought of improving.
One of those areas that never crossed my mind, learning to forgive myself
When I would eat foods I shouldn't (like a whole thing of Oreo's), go overboard at a buffet to the point of being uncomfortable, or simply not eat I would get mad at myself. I would criticize myself for eating foods I knew weren't healthy, for over eating on those unhealthy foods. I became mad at myself which would lead to more binge eating of crap food. It was a vicious cycle.
My unforgiving ways would also go to my workouts. If I overslept I would beat myself up all day. Like seriously, how could you not get out of bed, laziness, pure laziness. Then as I would be relaxing on the couch at night I would have this nagging voice that I needed to go do something. I needed to stop being a bum on the couch.
Yea, I was mean to myself. I was very unforgiving when I would slip-up.
I'm not sure why I beat myself up.
I obviously wasn't perfect before I started this journey.
Not sure why I thought that starting this journey I would never miss a workout or eat crap foods.
I knew I would, because I'm not perfect. If I was perfect I wouldn't be trying to lose the weight in the first place!
Here lately though I've been forgiving myself.
Now this is not to be confused with making excuses. There is a HUGE difference!
For example, this wedding and helping my mom get everything around has made for some long nights and restless sleep. There were times that I chose to sleep instead of doing my 5am workouts.
Old Megan would have beat myself up about it but not done anything on my own.
Improved Megan acknowledged that my body needed the sleep and then since I also knew that I needed to workout I pushed myself to do it. Alone. No gym. No coach. Just me and Reagan (usually). I didn't use the excuse I was tired to sit my butt on the couch at night. I used that as motivation, like hey I didn't work out this morning so now I have to use my evening to do it!
The same goes for eating.
I don't eat perfect. I try my hardest to be healthy 80-90% of the time. There's times I don't. Not beating myself up as I continue to lick the brownie batter but instead, stop eating the crap, acknowledge that I did and do some burpees to feel better!
It is just amazing to me how this journey is shaping me into the woman I always knew I was but had forgotten I could be.